Going through a break can prove to be an emotional roller coaster rides irrespective of the fact that whether you were the one who initiated the breakup or who gave up on it and couldn’t bear it anymore.
There can be moments when you are calm and rational, full of motivation spurt to start work afresh, and the very next moment you are down on your knees, crying buckets, incessantly stalking your girl/boyfriend, now your ex’s social media.
Calling or messaging them, and suffering from deep feelings full of regret and anger does not help either.
It is definitely a difficult journey of being single again, especially after you had a long term relationship that you had nurtured by putting a lot of time and effort into.
Here are some reasons why is it difficult to stay single after a relationship.
The blame game
Questions starting with what, why, how, if, went wrong, was there something that was wrong with me, naturally occur in the mind after a breakup.
Of course, we are incapable of eliminating them from our minds completely. None of the parties would have been faultless as relationships do take a lot out of both sides in order to work.
The difficulty is in being true to ourselves that we might have had played a part, big or small in the breakup.
Blaming yourself or your partner and waddling in self-criticism or hatred all the time makes it even more difficult to stay single. You want to prove to yourself and your ex that you deserved better.
When you have been in a relationship with someone for a pretty long time, they tend to become an irreplaceable part of your lives.
If this happens, it might become a little bit emotionally difficult in adjusting. One of the most beautiful things about being with a partner is that you are free to tell them next to anything without hesitation.
Even the seemingly insignificant things of day to day life, like a broken nail, or how sleepy and lazy you have been at work or what was in lunch can be told without judgment.
When that person is not around, you miss that bond. You need to contain everything to yourself and you long for someone.
What you can do!
An effective way of breaking through this phase and becoming more emotionally independent is to write down all about your feelings.
You might have heard it a zillion times but writing has actually been scientifically proven to not just help in improving your emotional well being but also making your break up phase easier.
There is something livid when it comes to making things. It provides us with an immense sense of satisfaction and gives us great pride that we have created something.
These feelings can contribute to strengthening you in and out by insisting in your confidence and will also improve your self-esteem.
Start taking your own decisions without seeking the opinion of others or rushing for their approval. Finding acceptance that comes from within and confidence that you are fully capable and strong is very important.
Cherish being single as an opportunity to do things for and by yourself
The mind wanders
When a breakup has just taken place and it’s just been a few days, your mind will be preoccupied with it. It might be the very first thing you wake up to, and the last thought you need to turn off before going to sleep.
Thoughts of the same tend to drift on the surface of your mind whenever a small window of opportunity is available to it.
Lack of other single friends
With your better half by your side, double dating seems to be a pretty good idea. Your attached or married friend group suddenly becomes the only social life you have.
When you do become single, you feel uneasy around those same friends as they make you miss the bond you too had.
Having single friends who might be more able to relate to your challenges of being single can be a great comfort.
You can also dive into more spontaneous things with those singletons than the taken ones and enjoy what singlehood has in store.
Being uncomfortable doing things on your own
Once you are used to sharing small tidbits of your life with someone, it can become a little too scary to go through chores on your own.
You are so accustomed to not doing them solely and your mate happily available to accomplish every small thing with you that the mere thought of going out and doing something scares you.
However, you need to have faith and believe that it will be okay! You will be up on your feet and will find your way in the world.